Dating before proposing
I have never spoken to her, and generally do not speak to women. How do I propose to her and approach her for marriage, since I am a practising muslim, and do not talk to sisters what is the best way?Should I go and speak to her and get to know her first, without stepping beyond the boundaries of Allah? I am afraid that because she does not really know me, and that we are from different cultural backgrounds I will be rejected instantly if I propose straight away without getting to know her first.According to a Pew Research Center report (2011) the average marrying age for women is 26.9 and for men it's 29.8.This is a far cry from a hundred years prior, where census data revealed the average age for women to marry was 23 and men 25.8.A courtship may be an informal and private matter between two people or may be a public affair, or a formal arrangement with family approval.
Courtship is the systematic process that one undergoes in order to ensure compatibility with a lifelong partner.(b) The purpose of exchanging information is to improve the understanding of Government requirements and industry capabilities, thereby allowing potential offerors to judge whether or how they can satisfy the Government’s requirements, and enhancing the Government’s ability to obtain quality supplies and services, including construction, at reasonable prices, and increase efficiency in proposal preparation, proposal evaluation, negotiation, and contract award.(c) Agencies are encouraged to promote early exchanges of information about future acquisitions.It is better if they speak on the phone, and even better if they communicate via letters or e-mail, for example. If these conditions are met and there is no fear of fitnah, then it is o.k. Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan said, in his answer on the ruling about young men speaking to young women on the telephone: “It is not permissible for young men to speak to young women because of the fitnah involved, unless the girl is engaged to the man who is talking to her, and they talk only about matters pertaining to their engagement; but it is preferable and safer for him to speak to her guardian about that.” (al-Muntaqa min Fataawa al-Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan, 3/163, 164).You have not proposed to this girl yet, so you have to be very careful and avoid exposing yourself to the causes of fitnah by taking all possible precautions to achieve your goal without approaching this girl.But then again, we didn't live as long as we do now, and women did not have the same career options.Early Twenties I conducted my own poll amongst men 21-35 and discovered some interesting truths.The basis for this is two aayahs from the Book of Allaah: 1 – “O wives of the Prophet! If you keep your duty (to Allaah), then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner” [al-Ahzaab – interpretation of the meaning] 2 – “And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts” [al-Ahzaab – interpretation of the meaning] Finally I would like to remind you that the Muslim’s standards when choosing a wife should be the standards encouraged by the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when he said: “Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper].” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5090; Muslim, 1466).And I warn you against everything that may lead you into doing haraam things or bring you close to that, such as being alone with her, going out with her, etc.Whilst on the other hand I fear that I am doing something Un-islamic If I talk to her and get to know her.I am in a difficult situation what is the best thing to do? Note that it is permissible for a man to speak to a non-mahram woman, subject to important guidelines and conditions, the purpose of which is to prevent fitnah and sin.